Innisfree

I wonder about trees...

2008-06-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to feel more and more comfortable with my current life situation here, living at home on a slow and steady pace to nowhere. Yet at the same time I'm also more comfortable with moving onto the next chapter in my life.

I think I've made new friends, however temporary it may feel because I'll be leaving this area shortly for Akron. Just starting to feel comfortable. But Akron! Akron for experience; a Masters in Performance. My next step towards Akron is obtaining an apartment. A very difficult endeavour considering I can't physically see/investigate the rat hole I'll be occupying for a whole year. I think I've figured out why Akron doesn't feel right... I've always based my decisions on what my heart tells me, not what is exactly practical. Akron is practical. My first correct step into the real world? Perhaps.

A wise man has recently told me to not get too worked up about these large decisions I'm making, such as Akron - "one of two things will happen: either it will work out great and you'll be happy, or else it'll take you outside of your comfort zone and help you to realize the right path for you to follow."

I'm renting a marimba for the summer. A dollar a day. I'm also giving this man (percussion professor at the community college near by) lessons on djembe. I'm pretty excited. Practicing on my little sister... or practicing on giving her lessons. She's finally given interest to the djembe I bought her in '06. Exhilarating! Honestly, I do feel good about myself for doing the lessons. I feel my approach is practical in many ways and still a lot of fun.

Owning up to Burdens

2008-05-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

Recently I've made a lot of big changes in a very short period of time. You could consider it either a pre-mid-life crisis or I've been backed into a corner, unable to run away.

"I'm standing on a tiny platform

It must be about three feet square

It is heated from underneath

And the rubber on my shoes is melting

If I try to sit I burn myself

If I stand I get tired

And I don't want to stay here anymore"

In a matter of two weeks I've managed to jump on the road to audition for an assistance ship at Akron University, quit my most steady part time job (also the one with the least pay), take on another part time job, and abandon my hopes and dreams to serve in the Peace Corps. All to accomplish nothing that I can clearly understand right now. It didn't make any sense to work as a cashier any longer. The pay and hours were horrible. Plus I'm being called upon to sub more frequently and I have two waitress jobs. The idea of the assistance ship to Akron just fell into my lap, and sounded like a good idea at the time. I'm a firm believer that opening new doors leads to new and interesting opportunities. Akron has the ability to open up many new doors. The possibility of my career accelerating forward is apparent. However, I'm not excited. Maybe I'm just intimidated by the city. I am a small town girl. Maybe I was so discouraged about my current lifestyle, anything else sounded appealing.

My current status is "trapped."

Thoroughly Used

2008-04-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

"I want to be thoroughly used up when I die."

I read this quote in the current book I'm reading, Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. Not only the quote, but the entire book is extremely inspiring and heartwarming. But this post however is not a book review. This quote has reminded me that although my life may seem dull at this point, I still need to remember that I still can do all that I can and the little things do count.

When I'm asked what I've been doing with myself lately I playfully answer "I am your friendly front end associate at your neighborhood Hannaford Brother's Company" which really means that I am a cashier at a local supermarket. I stand all day and welcome costumers, ask them if they're having a nice day. Occasionally I will actually be greeted back with the same cordiality that I try to give my costumers, other times I am given the respect of an untouchable in the Hindu caste system, and occasionally people really cheer up my day, and they are what make my day worth while. For friends and relatives that ask "what and the hell are you doing that for?" I must answer, "I am simply biding my time." In today's society and economic system I am forced to realize that times are as hard as ever. My school loans aren't going to be paid off for 25 years or more. I'm not going to be able to afford living in a metropolitan area where I could hone my craft and make a living. Instead, I am home living with my parents. I am working two part time jobs, hoping to add a third. I am volunteering my time to an ambulance squad. I exercise. And I am playing my music (wrote one piece) for a local community college. I am waiting to have my wisdom teeth removed so that I can finish my application for the Peace Corps.

There are days where I feel like I'm wasting my life!
But there are also days where I feel like my life is going somewhere.

I'm just biding my time.

And miles to go before I sleep

2008-02-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

At the age of five I remember approaching my mother with a statement that must have been completely random and unserious to the adults around it explains why they sent me to 'hit the road' so to speak. But 17 years following that statement, to this day I remember that random instance of mine that started all who were listening. Although it was brushed off as a senseless comment then, it has taken on so much more meaning than anyone would have ever dreamed of. That statement of mine is no longer shut out, but lived out. It may have been spontaneous then, however then, I was only stepping into the line of the greatest rollercoaster of my life and it has taken off! The highest climbs, steepest falls, most startling turns and skull shaking loops. My life is this amazing rollercoaster ride that I pray won't stop any time soon. Like Robert Frost, "I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep." My youthful statement only reminds me that my promises, those to myself, aren't waiting long.

Ha! Now you ask yourself, what did this naive five year old say to her mother?

"I want to die when I'm 35."

With this sitting in the back of my mind for all these years I only take it as a reminder that life is too short to be sitting around and waiting for things to happen. You can't wait for life to happen, you have to make it happen. There are things I'm bound to do in life. What they are exactly I have no idea, but I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. I'm opening doors! I'm tasting this and trying that, diving into this head first and wadding into that steady and slow. I will always enjoy sitting on the pier and closing my eyes as I allow the fresh wind finger its way through the locks of my wavy brown hair as the waves lap against the break wall with such force and fiery. I will always enjoy peace and serenity. But I will also always accept a challenge; something I know that's so much bigger than I am. First, I had to overcome the fact that that is life. So, in all, life is too short to pass experiences on by. For me, this means to breath in every moment and take advantage of every opportunity. Where it'll lead me, I guess we'll see.

In the end, at least, I can say that I tried. I did my best. But most importantly I did as much as I could in the time allotted to me. I tried. Therefore, I succeeded.

Our Deepest Fear

2008-02-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

The Best Thing in the World

2008-02-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

Currently my favorite poem... Possibly the perfect poem.

What's the best thing in the world?
June-rose, by May-dew impearled;
Sweet south-wind, that means no rain;
Truth, not cruel to a friend;
Pleasure, not in haste to end;
Beauty, not self-decked and curled
Till its pride is over-plain;
Love, when, so, you're loved again.
What's the best thing in the world?
--Something out of it, I think.

There was a performance last night by the Saakumu Dance Troupe in King Concert Hall, SUNY Fredonia. I was thrilled to see the hall packed with more people than I had ever seen there in all my years of performing in that concert hall. The group gave an energetic performance that really showed the passion and love of their culture and lives to the hundreds of people who had never had such an amazing experience as this. It feels so good that more people can become aware of these great people and see just a small part of their lives and maybe come to an understanding. It is all truly heartfelt.

For me, personally, I am so happy to see them all again. I am so happy that other people I know and love can meet them as well. And I am happy to help take care of them, as they have taken care of me.

Saakumu

2008-02-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

Definition: tradition

I'll soon be visiting my alma mater to visit my dear college friends I love and miss so much along with a group of special, international friends who I've adopted as my family members. These special friends have also adopted me into their family and I will always keep them in my hearts. They are a group of 15, dancers actually from a far away land, in Africa, Ghana to be exact. They are the Saakumu Dance Troupe, located in Medie, right outside Accra, Ghana. Their website: http://www.jumbierecords.com/saakumu/index.htmlI I'll try not to get into too much detail - better - a little background...

During two months of my summer in 2006 I traveled to Ghana with hopes of studying music and dance in its traditional setting. This I recieved along with a world of knowledge and wisdom never to be found in a classroom. I fell in love with the country, the people, the music, and the culture. But the people truly did touch my heart and forever I hold a place in my heart for them. Many of these people are from the Saakumu Dance Troupe. The leader of this group is my dear friend, professor, and peer, Bernard Woma who is my Ghana-father. Without him my experience possibly could've been as memorable but not quite as much enjoyable. He makes things happen. Upon returning to my school, I visited the International Education Chairperson and with her help, and the help of Bernard, I organized my next trip to Ghana however this time I wouldn't be traveling solo. Following an academic year of not only schooling, but budgeting, financing, advertising, trip planning, leading, and following, I led a group of 13 students and one 70 yr old woman to Ghana in 2007 for 26 days. My intentions were not only to return to a place that I had grown to love so much that previous year, but to share with others the wonderful things I had experienced. Most importantly, this included my love for the people. The Ghanaian family and mine bonded almost immediately and the experiences each person has had has shaped their lives for what I can only hope to be something amazing.

Anyways, the Saakumu Dance Troupe was there every Sunday to entertain us, and half of them were there every day to teach us, be taught, and best of all, be our friends. With this in mind, I am anxiously waiting until I finally feel like sleeping so that I can see my beloved friends tomorrow evening. I'll be driving. It's about a five hour drive, possibly longer. I have a feeling there will be many teary eyes in the next couple of days. Tears of joy!

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

2008-02-18T21:32:00.000-08:00

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

William Butler Yeats

Commencement

2008-02-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

' Today is the first day of the rest of your life. '

I've never been much of a journalist, but now is a good of time as any to make a change and try something new. I've been doing a lot of that lately - changing and trying new things - and because of this I've created this blog. I'm getting ahead of myself however. For the most part I inner monologue so much that if it were ever recorded it would be infinitely long. And hopefully at least half as much is interesting. As uninteresting as my life may be, there may be few of you who'd like to interest yourself, and for that I'm flattered. My motivation for creating this blog was to get some information vented from my mind but mostly to inform people over the next few years of my whereabouts, whatabouts, whoabouts, and howabouts. It's no secret, I have applied for the Peace Corps. More on that at a later date...